The ULTIMATE ranking of kids’ TV shows… from worst to best

How the freaky baby Jake with his bobbly head doesn't scare young children, we do not know. And his friend Nibbles the Rabbit is seriously scary too. Yes, Baby Jake is easily the most annoying kids' show on TV, and that's really saying something as the competition is quite franky fierce! But the worst part of the show is its repetitive mind-bending theme tune from hell; "Yakki Yoggi Yoggi, Doo doo dee, Ba ba ba bee bee boo see." MAKE IT STOP!

It is packed full of luvvies such as Jane Horrocks and Brian Blessed barking away, with narrator Julian Clary adding a cloying layer of cream on top. Then there's the plot – with such entertaining storylines as the bratty princess declaring, "I don't want to go to bed," or "I don't want to brush my hair." Most parents have enough of toddler tantrums IRL – we don't need to see more packaged as entertainment.

Why would anyone live in Pontypandy? House prices must be dirt-cheap as just about every inhabitant suffers a blaze, falls in the sea or gets lost up the mountain on a daily basis. Meanwhile, we suggest one-man crime-wave Norman and his strange sinus problem be urgently assessed by social services.

It's like Bugsy Malone meets Cambridge maths lessons - you can't understand the accents or the sums. Everyone speaks out of the side of their mouths like Brooklyn gangsters and it will get your little darling saying catchphrases such as "I'm totally freaking out", which you will be by the end of the episode. On the plus side, it teaches them to count (in theory at least).

This will make your eyes bleed. From the acrobats' bulge-tastic pervy tight pants to their weird plastic heads and the hero Sportacus' Dali-esque moustache, it's all kinds of wrong. Plus there are frequent stage show kids' musical interludes, complete with jazz hands. The only explanation is that it is made in Iceland.

The premise of this is nice – a little boy turns into a superhero and goes on adventures up a tree. The only issue is the long and frequent kung-fu moves it asks your kids to make to give Tom power. The good thing is they are exercising, the bad part is they're kicking over the coffee table and karate-chopping the dog.

While there's nothing much wrong with the new Bob - save the boring repetition of the diggers cocking up the build and the team having to sort it all out (suspiciously similar to Thomas & Friends from the same production company) - the new fancy CGI version has lost its Neil Morrissey magic. Can We Fix It? No We Can't.

No offence to James Bolam, but we wish he'd pop his shrinking cap on and get eaten by the cat. At least then we wouldn't have the agony of sitting through a whole episode of japes with characters with stupid names like Mr Liker Biker and Roger Splodger.

Look, it's a nice show. It's pretty. It's right-on. But Lola is just horrible. She's ruining her poor kind brother Charlie's life, from wrecking his birthday party to scribbling over his paintings. There, we've said it.

Beatrix Potter must be turning in her grave at this rebooted CGI series. Did someone forget to say no at the brainstorm where it was suggested they funk it up with a thumping techno soundtrack? And Peter Rabbit did not, we repeat, did not, snowboard.

A much better remake is the new Clangers series narrated by Michael Palin. The knitted outfits, the whistles, the Soup Dragon and the music tree are all still there. Watch it and weep Peter Rabbit peeps.

Looks lovely, is lovely. This vintage-feel cartoon of friends living on an island in a city is what every parent wants cartoons to be, while in reality every kid would rather watch Blaze and the Monster Machines.

If only we could join the squirrel club and earn badges with Duggee. Funny, clever and the straight lines strangely comforting, the best part is every kid gets a cuddle at the end. All together, "Woof!"

Knocked into second place only by stablemate Ben and Holly, nothing else comes close to the incomparable Peppa Pig and her family. On air for 13 years and not waning, in the words of Daddy Pig, writers Neville Astley, Mark Baker and Phillip Hall can rightly claim to be "a bit of an expert at this".

But in first place come Ben Elf and Princess Holly, for the funniest thing on children's television (sorry Mr Tumble). From the relentless sarcasm of King Thistle, to the insubordination of Nanny Plum and the sheer joy that is The Wise Old Elf, this quintessentially British show deserves the crown. It's proof that sometimes magic doesn't lead to trouble.