Owner of some bold and beautiful curls? Then you’ll know these to be universal truths
When we cross paths with a head of full frontal curls in the street, we can’t help but lock eyes in solidarity with the owner of that glorious hair. We all know the struggle. All too well.
And if you sport a wild and wonderful mane (voluntarily or not) you’ll know most of the below to be true.
Travel Size conditioner? Forget about it.
Men presume you’re the ‘wild’ one of the group
Yep, curly hair means you automatically must be the one out of your friends who stays out all night doing tequila shots and like to get kinky in the bedroom. Or at least that's according to every man you’ve met when out with the girls.
Even if it IS true, no one likes to be stereotyped, right?
You spent your childhood being Scary Spice
Whether you wanted to or not. Curly hair meant you had to be Mel B in your artistic primary school re-enactment of Wannabe, even though you can't rap. And you idolised Ginger Spice more than your peers will ever know.
Want to find out who you ACTUALLY are? Take our Spice Girls quiz here.
And you’ll always resemble the ‘before’ in movie makeovers
Anne Hathaway in Princess Diaries. Sandra Bullock in Miss Congeniality. Brittany Murphy in Clueless. Need we go on?
Consequently, no one will ever describe you as ‘sleek’ or ‘chic’
These words are reserved for those possessing smooth flowing hair and wearing Breton t-shirts. Not us unruly wavy ladies.
Yet, straight haired people will tell you they want your hair
They will also tell your hair is interesting. These people are foolish, naive and probably lying. Do not trust these people.
Because they will also say...
‘Wow, you look so GOOD with straight hair!’
Translate: You look rough 97.65 per cent of the time.
What's with the sheer surprise at how 'different' we look? It's just some stretched out hair strands, not 300K worth of plastic surgery, guys.
... Although you do feel SUPER SEXY when you rock straight hair
Like Beyonce letting loose Sasha Fierce on the world. You're ready to take on the day with your heavily heat-treated hair. Bumping into a dashing gent on the train home? No problem.
Note: One does not simply run fingers through curly hair!
Sexy time WITH curly hair doesn't always run so smoothly. If your partner tries to seductively run their fingers through your tresses, they are fighting a losing battle. Not sexy, not seductive. Painful at best.
And what's with travel size conditioner?
It’s laughable really. The sprinkle of conditioner that allows you to get through customs is simply not enough for one wash, let alone an entire holiday. You think that can tame the beast with the added issue of humidity? Pfftttt!
But leave-in conditioner is your life
Seriously. Without some hair-hugging leave-in conditioner to hydrate your locks, life is one frizzy, brittle, up-hill battle.
Curly hair = purgatory for bobby pins
They enter, they deliberate, and maybe weeks later the ones that have been spared a worse fate will fall out your hair in the shower.
Seriously, what happens to the rest of them? Do they just dissolve and become a part of our hair?!
NB. I once had a penny fall out my hair in the shower. No idea...
And cutting out hairbands is a regular occurrence (if they don't explode first)
You tried to follow the cute 5-easy-steps hair tutorial on YouTube. You failed. And after half an hour of tears and tugging, you've given in and resigned to the scissors.
If you haven't discovered them yet, Invisibobbles will change your life forever. A fellow curly-haired friend called them a 'hair revolution.'
Picture perfect Hollywood curls DO NO EXIST
The woke-up-like-this curls you see on the big screen are a lie, people. A hella lot of work goes into those perfectly defined curls. If they’re frizz-free, they're fake honey.
To recreate Julia Roberts a la Pretty Woman at home, it would require a wash, intensive conditioner, AND blow dry before being stuffed with rollers then attacked by heated hair tongs.
You get the picture.
Perfect curl days only happen on lonely lazy Sundays
If you think you’re just going to be blessed with a good hair day when you’ve got that presentation/first date/night out, you’re very much mistaken.
It will of course be while you're watching the EastEnders Omnibus, eating yesterday's takeaway and dressed in your mismatched PJs.
But you secretly LOVE your natural hair!
Yes we whinge and we moan, but we do love our curls, frizz and all. It is interesting...