As many of us realised this morning, our expectations of summer are usually VERY different to the reality…
EXPECTATION: I will wear cotton dresses and summer sandals ALL THE TIME!!!
It will be just like I’m summering in the French Riviera or something.
REALITY: I will be forced to don opaque tights, boots, and a waterproof coat. Again.
Dudes, this isn’t the French Riviera. If you choose those impractical summer clothes, expect to get VERY cold and VERY wet VERY quickly.
EXPECTATION: I will bask in the sunshine on my lunch breaks
I’m taking a picnic blanket to work, you guys! And I’ll find my own little serene spot outdoors, where I can bathe to my heart’s content.
REALITY: Did… did everyone in the world have the same idea as me?
Yeah, there’s no room for a picnic blanket. You might be able to squeeze a postage stamp in amongst all those perspiring bodies, however…
EXPECTATION: I will tan like a Victoria’s Secret model
So golden. So glowing. So gosh-darn beautiful.
REALITY: I will sizzle and burn like a sausage in hell
Do us all a favour and wear sunscreen, ok?
EXPECTATION: I won’t need a cardigan today
Just look at all of that glorious sunshine, you guys!
REALITY: I’m so cold that I think my arms might legitimately freeze solid and snap off
Layers. The key is to wear layers.
EXPECTATION: I will make the most of all these daylight hours and go jogging
This summer is the summer that I get healthy. Fact.
Be serious, people.
EXPECTATION: I will dine on summer salads and white wine
It’ll be just like I’m on holiday - and I’ll be too hot to eat anything else.
REALITY: Do you really have to ask?
Pizza still tastes awesome in the sunshine, everyone - especially when you chase it down with a cool bottle of beer. And wine.
EXPECTATION: I will keep the window open as I sleep, so as to enjoy that perfect summer breeze
Mmmm… it’s gonna be good.
REALITY: Bar the windows shut, everyone!
Summer comes, bringing with it kids who play on the street until nightfall, merry drunkards, car alarms, and more. If you can sleep through all that, you’re a hero.
EXPECTATION: I will treat myself and the kids to ice creams
Who doesn’t love a classic 99 flake, eh?
REALITY: HOW MUCH DID YOU SAY?!?!
So I’m guessing that you drove your ice cream van here straight from hell, because only the devil himself would name something the ’99 flake’ and charge £1.80 for it.
EXPECTATION: I will enjoy a steamy night of summer passion
Just like the movies!
REALITY: Seriously, don’t touch me
It’s too hot - and not in a good way. In a seriously unsexy, sweaty, muggy way. And if a single part of their body comes into contact with my skin during the night, one or both of us will probably burst into flames.
EXPECTATION: I will throw a BBQ for my friends
Barbecues are fun - everyone loves barbecues, right?
REALITY: I will shiver in an unexpected rain shower, flipping soggy sausages, and willing the BBQ to sizzle back to life
Every. Single. Time.
EXPECTATION: I will show off my perfect summer makeup
Don’t I look dewy?
REALITY: I will sweat off my perfect summer makeup
It may surprise you to know that this wasn’t the look I was going for when i stepped out this morning…
EXPECTATION: My hair is going to look AWESOME
So on fleek.
REALITY: My hair is going to be flat / frizzy / f**ked up
WHY, HAIR? WHY?!?!?!
EXPECTATION: I’ll take the kids to the coast for the day
We’ll wake up early, hit the road, and enjoy a wonderful family day out. Yay!
REALITY: Me and the kids will sit in a traffic jam for 8 hours
Everyone had the same idea, you say? Fair enough, I guess…
EXPECTATION: I will wake up early and make the most of the day
Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows. Everything that's wonderful is what I feel when we're together…
REALITY: Damn, is it noon already?
Old habits are hard to break.
EXPECTATION: We will go for a beautifully scenic route through the park
Maybe take a stroll by the duck pond and the river, you know?
REALITY: We will be mercilessly attacked by flies and midges
Don’t. Open. Your. Mouth.
EXPECTATION: It won’t rain for three weeks straight
REALITY: It will rain for three weeks straight.
Because… because summer.
EXPECTATION: The world will talk about our unprecedented heatwave forever
That’s what the forecasters tell us, anyway.
REALITY: The rest of the world is laughing at us and our inability to handle weather.
Seriously, have you ever seen Australia before? Or India? Or anywhere with sun? HAVE YOU?!
WHAT ARE YOUR EXPECTATIONS OF THE BRITISH SUMMER? DO THEY MATCH UP TO THE REALITIES?
LET US KNOW VIA FACEBOOK OR TWITTER (@CLOSERONLINE) NOW.