Would you offer a paedophile your support? This teenager’s story may change your mind…

A 19-year-old paedophile has never gone near a child - but he's desperate for help with his urges. You have to read his story...

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by Kayleigh Dray |
Published on

Adam, 19, definitely has feelings for young children - but he does not want to act on his sexual urges. He just wants help fighting his condition.

The definition of paedophilia is "a psychiatric disorder in which an adult or older adolescent experiences a primary or exclusive sexual attraction to prepubescent children, generally age 11 years or younger."

Guys like Adam hit puberty and discover that they're attracted to young children - and they have to figure out how to deal with their urgings by themselves.

When Adam hit the age of 14, he began downloading child pornography - but, at the time, he wasn't concerned about the fact he was having sexual fantasies about children between the ages of 3 and 8.

"The first pornography I came across didn't even involve adults… I thought I'd like to do these types of things, so it's great that I can watch other people - close to my age range - do these types of things.

"I just saw two kids doing something I fantasised about doing"

"I just saw two kids doing something I fantasised about doing."

But, as he grew older, Adam realised the children he was interested in weren't maturing alongside him - they were getting younger and younger.

"I'd been using it for two years before I started to think 'these children are real people and could potentially be hurt.'"

Adam realised his sexual fantasies were wrong when he stumbled across a particularly graphic video on the internet
Adam realised his sexual fantasies were wrong when he stumbled across a particularly graphic video on the internet

Adam's wake-up call was particularly brutal; he was 16 and he came across a video involving an 18 month old child.

"I remember thinking that I wanted to reach through the computer screen and kill the person. I was just horrified by what I saw.

"At that point I realised something was wrong."

Searching for help, Adam posted a message on a mental health forum - and two women, who were child abuse survivors, befriended him and helped him.

But, while he was no longer watching porn, he still needed help - he was overshadowed by feelings of guilt, depression and shame.

And to start his journey, he wrote a tentative letter to his mother, asking to see a therapist.

Dear Mummy,

I'm writing this letter to you as I cannot bring myself to say what I need to say to you to your face. It would simply be too painful for me.

I am always overshadowed by feeling of guilt, depression and shame. I am really sick and tired of covering these feelings up.

I want you to let me see a psychologist.

I understand that you have a lot of things to ask me, but I need some time to get my head wrapped around things.

Love Adam

Two weeks later, he was nervously sitting down to meet with a psychiatrist.

"This is difficult to say, but I'm a paedophile and I'm addicted to child pornography."

The psychiatrist immediately raised her voice, telling Adam that this wasn't okay - and, despite telling her he was 11 weeks clean of pornography, the therapist's anger left Adam terrified.

"The feeling that overcame me most was that I was being judged. I wanted to send her an email apologising for dropping such a bombshell on her.

"She basically told me, pretty much instantly, that she couldn't help me."

"She basically told me, pretty much instantly, that she couldn't help me."

While the therapist was unable to help Adam, his mother offered him her support - and he began to open up to her more and more. There isn't much research on paedophiles; funders don't want to be associated with the topic, as the stigma is too great.

But psychologists want to find out WHY people become paedophiles. What causes it? What is 'normal' in a child's sexual development? And can paedophilia be cured?

Meanwhile Adam has set up an online support group for young paedophiles. They communicate via text, instant messenger and email - and each of the members has admitted that having that outlet, having that support, has saved them.

The governing principle of the group is that you have to believe it is WRONG to have sex with children, taking a moral stand against paedophilia.

"I'll admit we have a bias. I think we're better people than those who go out and hurt kids… I explained to him that what he'd done was very wrong and that the most noble thing he could do would be to tell the kid's parents, so the kid could get the help he needs"

"There was one time someone came in[to the group] and admitted that he'd done some sexual things with a five-year-old.

"Right then, I said we can't have you.

"I'll admit we have a bias. I think we're better people than those who go out and hurt kids… I explained to him that what he'd done was very wrong and that the most noble thing he could do would be to tell the kid's parents, so the kid could get the help he needs."

You can listen to Adam's interview on 'The American Life' below. Also, directly from the show's presenter, "Though there's nothing graphic in this story at all, victims of child sexual abuse should consider this a trigger warning."

"The truth is I know what my attractions are. I know they're there… sometimes you really just know these things.

"I'd like a partner, obviously. The thought of having a kid is very scary and I'm not convinced that I could ever let myself do that, no matter how much I might want it.

At the moment, there is no clear plan for helping teenagers like Adam. They will have to go through their entire lives fighting their urges - and choosing never to act upon their desires.

**Should there be more research done on paedophilia? Should more be done to help young people with paedophiliac urges? Has this interview changed your opinion on a very dividing topic? **

Let us know your thoughts in the Comments Box below now.

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