‘I am who I am. I can’t pretend to be somebody who makes $25,000 a year’
Let’s be honest: Gwyneth Paltrow gives zero F’s what people think about her. The Oscar-winning actress has enriched our lives with her, um, unique soundbites on everything from vaginal steaming (a classic) to coining the phrase ‘conscious uncoupling’ when announcing her split with Chris Martin on her lifestyle site Goop.
A self-confessed ‘guinea pig’, willing to try anything once in the name of beauty (and later share her insights with the world), Gwyneth has received criticism in the past for promoting treatments that have little actual proven health benefits. Treatments and recipes that will set you back thousands of pounds a pop (case in point: £12k crystal sex toys you just Must Try Now. Hmm.)
Still though, while not everyone has been convinced, we can’t help but gasp in the glory of the wellness guru’s extreme, otherworldly health hacks over the years. Here’s a few of her finest…
1.) The one where she went on an 8-day goat milk cleanse
'Im really interested in the impact of heavy metals and parasites on our bodies.[Editor's note: The aforementioned goat-milk cleanse was meant to fight the latter.],’ she told Women’s Health. ‘I think they're two of the biggest culprits in terms of why we feel bad. I'm knee-deep in figuring out ways to clear them from the body, looking at all sorts of potentially weird modalities.’
2.) Remember when she tried to convince us bee sting facials were a good idea?
The actress explained that she's 'been stung by bees' - on purpose. 'It's a thousands of years old treatment called apitheraphy. People use it to get rid of inflammation and scarring. It's actually pretty incredible if you research it. But, man, it's painful.'
3.) Brekkie with a side of ‘sex dust’, anyone?
A-lister’s have long promoted the morning smoothie across social media, but this recipe containing ingredients we’ve never heard of (ashwagandha, ho shou, cordyceps) is something else. ‘Gwyneth drinks one of these every morning, whether or not she’s detoxing,’ describing the AM tipple on Goop. ‘Choose your Moon Juice moon dust depending on what the day ahead holds…brain before a long day at the office, sex dust before a date, etc.’
4.) Your clothes are way more sexual than you think – according to Gwyneth Paltrow
‘If you move your shoulder and allow yourself to feel the rub of your shirt on your skin, or the brushing of your hair against your neck, those sensations are innately sensual, and pleasure that can be accessed anytime.’
5.) Her step-by-step guide of how to yawn properly
‘Gently tilt your head back to a comfortable position and allow your mouth to hang open widely while you gently extend into it,’ she told readers on Goop.com. Contract the back of the throat ‘as if to perform Ujjayi breathing.’ Breathe deeply through your mouth so you feel the air hit the back of your throat. Inhale and exhale. And then when the yawn finally comes, reach and extend into it, riding the yawn to stretch the jaw muscles. ‘Repeat 8-10 times until tearing starts. As your jaw muscles stretch and relax, and the yawn expands.’ Okay, so have you got all of that?
6.) The one were she advocated putting stone ‘eggs’ inside your vagina
‘The strictly guarded secret of Chinese royalty in antiquity - queens and concubines used them to stay in shape for emperors - jade eggs harness the power of energy work, crystal healing and a Kegel-like physical practice,’according to Gwyneth. ‘Fans say regular use increases chi, orgasms, vaginal muscle tone, hormonal balance, and feminine energy in general.’
7.) Don’t hurt water’s feelings with your words
‘I am fascinated by the growing science behind the energy of consciousness and its effects on matter. I have long had Dr. Emoto’s coffee-table book on how negativity changes the structure of water, how the molecules behave differently depending on the words or music being expressed around it.’
8.) You need to steam your vaginas, ladies…
‘The real golden ticket here is the Mugworth V-Steam,’ Gwyneth say. ‘You sit on what is essentially a mini-throne, and a combination of infrared and mugworth steam cleanses your uterus, et al. It is an energetic release – not just a steam douche – that balances female hormone levels.’
9.) That time she went crazy for ‘oil pulling’
‘You swish coconut oil around [in your mouth] for 20 minutes,’ according to Paltrow. ‘It's supposed to be great for oral health and making your teeth white.’