Married at 27. Mortgage at 28. Having a baby at 29. This was my ‘Life Plan’ if you will (I know not everyone’s, but still…) I’ve always been a planner. I am never late to anything.
Though, as the saying goes ‘life happens when you’re busy making other plans’ (I used to hate it when people said this to me – but frustratingly, it’s true). At 22 years old, I found myself unexpectedly pregnant.
Staring at my daughter – ‘little bean’ then – during my 12 week scan I felt a mix of love, fear and excitement. Though, what no-one tells you, as you waddle in to appointment 102010324 to see your midwife or doctor, is how dramatically your life will change when faced with BRINGING UP A TINY HUMAN. Of course, I’m speaking from my own experience (every person and baby is different and all that), but here’s the s--t (sometimes literal) that no one tells you about having a baby in your early twenties.
Disclaimer: apologies to my partner, friends and family in advance…
1) ‘Babytalk’? Once a pet peeve is now commonplace. “OOOOOOAAAHHH” a personal favourite
‘Having a full conversation in English is a rarity.’
2) Scheduled sex sessions? Yes, it will become a thing.
‘Most of the time me and my partner talk excitedly at 6pm about actually having sex that night. Once 9pm hits, we are in our PJs, watched an episode of Catastrophe, and thinking excitedly about falling asleep.’
3) You will have a full-on relationship with your bed
‘Did I mention? Sleep is everything.'
4) Hours of social media scrolling is now spent Googling articles like ‘How To Make My Baby Crawl’
‘I never really got it when new parents only posted baby photos on Instagram and Facebook before I had a baby. Now? My Instagram is now essentially my daughter’s photo album.'
5) It is just not possible to stay out til 2am and then wake up for a 5am feed
‘WhatsApping my friends or sister over the weekend, they are usually going out or recovering from a hangover. My weekends are fairly different. Hungover and looking after a screaming 3-month old? Trust. This is nightmare territory.'
6) You totally count your pram walks as your ‘gym time’
‘Unlike my other friends in their 20s, I don’t have the time or money to spend on the gym. I do my pram walks.'
7) You end up weighing up the pros and cons of walking up to strangers to have a gossip
‘I remember seeing another mum doing her pram walk alone. I smiled and walked past. A part of me wanted to say “er, can I walk with you?”’
8) Online shopping on ASOS? Pfffft...
‘You want to give your child everything - whether it’s a play mat they spend 10% of their time on, or baby shoes they never actually wear.'
9) You will want to shout at the next person who asks you “when’s the next one coming?”
‘I am not joking when I say the second day after I had a c-section someone asked me when the next baby was coming. At this point, my grip was on this tiny being in my arms that needed me whole heartedly. I responded “we are not planning on having another child at this time”. She responded (as well as many others who have asked the same question): “you're young, never say never” or “I bet you’ll be pregnant again by next year”.’
10) That person who recognises you every day in Starbucks will be replaced with your pharmacist
‘I have now realised the pharmacist sees me and hides in the back room - so I now visit every 2 days.’
11) You will get irrationally annoyed when your mates without kids come over and say they need just need some "Me Time”
‘Don’t get me wrong, I love every second I spend with my daughter - whether it’s seeing her first roll, first laugh, or just the way she wakes up and smiles at me every morning. But no-one said you would spend a lot of your day eating with one hand or bringing your baby to the toilet with you.’
12) At times, it feels like you retreat back to being a teenager asking your parents for permission to go out
‘With most of mine and my partner's earnings going towards rent, bills and stuff (you will always need more nappies, onesies and creams), we cannot afford a nanny - so rely on our family (THANK YOU) to help out when they can if we want a date night.’
13) ‘Sexy chat’ is now ‘poo chat’
You never think you will become that person, but you will inevitably end up analysing your child's nappy habits in such detail with anyone who will listen.
14) You are told throughout your pregnancy how ‘lucky’ you are to have a baby in your 20s, because your body will ‘bounce back’ quicker
‘A month after having my daughter I remember the pressure of losing the baby weight quickly. After 4 months of having my baby, I am still left with full body stretch marks, excess weight that doesn’t want to shift, and no, I still don’t fit into my pre-pregnancy jeans yet. Whilst I used to be jealous seeing my friends in a bikini enjoying their latest holiday, I now fully embrace my marks (my battle scars)… a reminder that my body carried a baby for nine months.
15) A lot of the other mums you meet will have their own mummy network already in place
‘None of my friends have children - they are all at a time in their lives where they are climbing the career ladder, so when I go to my weekly 'post-natal pilates' class, most the time I just want to say “please be my friend!”.
16) Get ready for the career FOMO to kick in
‘Before I had my daughter I was being trained to be a manager. Once I found out I was pregnant I had to put this on hold. On my maternity leave, a few of my friends have told me about their promotions at work. Though I I know I will be able to achieve this myself down the line, I realise my main priority is my daughter and not my job status right now.’
17) You will always wonder if you’re doing motherhood 'right'
‘It doesn't help when I have spoken to other mothers, who have happily voiced their concerns over my parenting skills. Case in point: why I didn’t breast feed (my baby had a cow’s milk allergy) etc. Then I turn to my baby, laughing hysterically on her play mat, and think "well I must be doing something right".'
18) It’s ALL worth it
‘Okay, so I might not be able to book the next flight to Ibiza – but waking up next to my daughter snuggled up to me in the morning, and see her face light up playing ‘airplane’? I wouldn’t want it any other way.’
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