Real Life

Unhappy In Your Relationship? This Technique May Help

Loathe as we are to admit it, many of us may have had an instance where - like Leslie Mann in Knocked Up - we tell our partners some variation on, "I want to rip your f*ing head off".

But, naturally, trading insults is not the recipe for a harmonious and long-lasting relationship.

Couples fight for a multitude of complex reasons, whether that's political disagreements or whose turn it is to take the rubbish out.

Yet there's one simple technique we could all try to put the brakes on conflict, from bickering to more serious discontent.

It's to do with reflecting on the good times together. It sounds simple enough, but it takes focus when you're feeling angry.

University of California psychology professor Dr. Jessica Borelli tells Refinery29 that this practice - known as "relational savouring" - works to enrich your relationship.

Reflect on the good times you've had together to remind yourself of your mutual connection and appreciation

It involves "reflecting on prior moments of close connection with a relationship partner", Borelli says.

You may do it already unconsciously but it's worth concentrating on during the tough times, especially.

Think of all the times when your other half has been there for you, and how that made you feel. Concentrate on those moments when you felt very connected to or appreciated by your loved one.

For example, they may have been there with wisdom and wine when you experienced a particularly stressful time at work. You might have driven them three hours to the airport and back at some ungodly hour in order for them to visit their family.

You might have comforted each other through a brutal bout of food poisoning on that backpacking trip around south America together three years ago.

Reflecting on these moments will "underscore feelings of security in the relationship" and help to keep "relationship demons" at bay, Dr. Borelli says.

Amen to that.

Read More: Five Things That Happen To Every Long-Term Couple

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