Celebrity Big Brother stressed us out for a number of reasons last night – Marnie Simpson shoving her tits in Saira Khan's face, Heavy D's incessant booming – but the most prominent of these was Aubrey O'Day's revelation that she got her gay stylist to WANK OFF HER DOG SO SHE COULD FREEZE HIS SPERM.
We have a few questions.
First – why was she freezing her dog's sperm in the first place? Second – how much did she pay her stylist to do that? Third – why on earth is it relevant that he was gay? THAT DOESN'T MAKE IT OK, AUBREY.
We think she's extremely confused.
She made the alarming admission while taking part in the house's first group task, in which they all heard a fact and had to choose which of their fellow housemates it applied to.
When it was revealed that she was the culprit of "which celebrity froze their dog's sperm – Aubrey, Heavy D or Marnie?" she then had to explain herself to her housemates.
She said: "We were filming my TV show and the discussion got brought up about what you'll do when your dogs come to the time to pass.
“Someone told us that you could freeze your dog’s sperm, but in order to get the sperm you had to jerk the dog off.”
AAARRRGHHHHHHHH.
Unfortunately for our sanity, Aubrey continued.
“So we jerked him off. We took him to the dog park to see some bitches and get excited.
“I didn’t actually do it, my gay hairdresser did it and it was so fierce. And I’d do it again!”
We are just so done with life RN.
Despite the alarming situation he found himself in, Lewis Bloor still managed to find it in himself to make a joke – and it was actually quite funny.
He said: “Mate, if I was a dog and Aubrey wanted to jerk me off, f*cking hell, I’d give it a go!”
Read more: Marnie and Lewis Bloor GET IT ON in the store room