There are three things we really love here at heat: cock and balls.
And, although Gary Beadle is a complicated character, there is one thing he is definitely king of – the peen.
Gary's parsnip penis is the stuff of modern legend, it's basically the Big Foot of the Tinder generation, although at least 1000 people have seen Gary's wang.
He claims that it's the size and girth of a Sky remote control. But is it all that? Or is it a bit like Stonehenge – a lot smaller than you think it's going to be once you get up close?
Someone is prepared to tell all: Chrysten Zenoni, who this week entered the Ex On The Beach villa as Gaz's ex.
So, what does she have to say about the 'nip?
"I don't really remember anything about it the first night that we hooked up, but I did see it in the villa and it does live up to its standards. It's big, it's big," she revealed in a behind-the-scenes video for MTV.
However, the way she said it was kinda underwhelming.
Firstly, she didn't remember it from the initial hook-up.
And secondly, the tone of voice she used when saying "it's big" is one that we'd adopt if speaking about a fairground rollercoaster when we were used to Blackpool Pleasure Beach's Big One.
You know, big but not that big.
Maybe she was just playing it cool. Otherwise everything we think we know about the peen is a lie, and after finding out that Malin Andersson had a boyfriend when she went into Love Island, AND that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's love is no more, we don't think we can handle any more shocks today.