The X Factor was sent into MELTDOWN at the weekend by the exposure of what looked like the tip of the Cowell cock.
Reclining between two Spice Girls, Simon appeared to casually let his little guy slip out of a hole in his extremely pale jeans.
But was it actual peen? If so, it was extremely brown, suggesting that our Si likes to sunbathe in the nuddy. Racy.
Sadly, Simon has poured cold water on our feverish imaginings by telling everyone it was NOT his wang.
"Before anything else I want to clear up toe-gate," Simon said, speaking on The Xtra Factor.
"It was just my toe. It was quite embarrassing when I saw it online but it was just my toe.
"I have a very large toe."
Yeah, not that big, mate. We still think it might be a bit of Simon's pop wand that slipped past the censors. And people were up in arms when we showed Alex Bowen's manhood.
Now THAT'S a big peen.
In other The X Factor news: all of Louis Walsh's groups have changed their names already.
Ottavio and Bradley will become Brattavio.
The Brooks will become Brooks Way.
Three piece 5AM will become Five After Midnight.
Hang on – is it just us or is there absolutely nobody with a vagina in the Groups category? Thought not. Oh, Louis.
Also on The X Factor this weekend, Calvin Harris appeared to cry actual tears from his eyes (almost) when commiserating with Matt Terry about splitting up with their long-term girlfriends.
If you need someone to give you a ruddy good cuddle Calvin, we are available. Hooo boy are we available. Just putting that out there. We're ready. Any time you like.