Today seems set to be a day of broken dreams and despair. Just like every other rainy Monday, then.
But today is served with an extra helping of crud as not only have Stephen Bear and Chloe Khan been spied looking close to other people, Alex Bowen of *Love Island *is SHOWING OFF about dating someone else.
What would Olivia Buckland say?
Well, actually, she's fully supportive of it. Not because they are spicing up their relationship with other lovers (that we're aware of) but because Alex is going on a date with former TOWIE star Joey Essex.
"Catch me on tomorrow nights show of @CelebsGoDating @E4Tweets 10pm ... Little man date with my boy @JoeyEssex_ before his real date," Alex said on Twitter.
Wowzers. Our mind boggles at the kind of advice Alex might give to Joey.
Have a SIMPLY ENORMOUS penis (allegedly)? We're on board with that.
Nothing woos a lady like this dirty bedroom secret, perhaps? Hmm.
We didn't think Joey was doing too badly on Celebs Go Dating, as it happens. He's seemed like the catch of the month compared to the women he's been paired up.
Burping girl? The Persian model who was actively rude to him? We have been on some terrible dates in our time but of all the frogs we're shared air space with, NONE of them have been as awful as the dates the celebs have been sent on. They're as bad as the show's production values.
If you haven't watched *Celebs Go Dating *yet, you're missing out but can catch up with the life lessons we've learned from it here.
There's a lot of penis / vagina / porn talk on it. It's our kind of show.
*Celebs Go Dating continues tonight at 10pm on E4. *