Picture the scene: we were innocently scrolling through the social snaps of Rachel Fenton from Love Island (because that is our actual job) when we came across a sight that gave us quite a start.
It was Rachel's Love Island boyf Rykard Jenkins and he's COMPLETELY NAKED.
Of course, the question on every sane woman / man's mind is immediately: but is his penis as big as Alex Bowen's (alleged) peen?
Let's find out!
Sadly, we can't quite tell. But the signs are good – hairless, lots of vein action – and our imagination is running riot.
Excuse us, we might have to have a little lie down.
Some of you have accused us of being peen obsessed of late. And to that we say: you're right, what of it?
We're unsure whether it was the huge amount of banging on Love Island that's changed the game forever, or simply the large quantity of quality wang that's been proudly displayed of late, but we simply can't get enough.
There was the aforementioned (alleged) penis pic of Alex.
Then Lewis Bloor got his enormous and hairless peenout on Celebrity Big Brother and we saw EVERYTHING.
Orlando Bloom went skinny paddle boarding.
Justin Bieber may or may not have been exposing his willy for the world to see.
Gary Beadle, our long-time parsnip pal, did the same.
And Aaron Chalmers, his Geordie Shore co-star, got his peen area tattooed.
And that's all in the past few weeks. We simply haven't been able to move for penis news. In the future we'll look back on this time as a golden period for journalism. For realsies.