After Lewis Bloor and Marnie Simpson had almost bored us to death with their showmance, we started hankering for a pairing with a little more edge – Marnie and James Whale, maybe – or Lewis and Heavy D?
Luckily our prayers were answered in the form of Chloe Khan and Stephen Bear, whose escapades in the smoking area, the pool, the bath etc were borderline pornographic.
And last night they upgraded from borderline and just got a lil bit porny, as they appeared to have sex on TV.
You couldn't see anything, unfortunately (we were weirdly disappointed), but you could hear EVERYTHING.
And by EVERYTHING, we mean EVERYTHING.
They scampered into the bathroom on the guise of looking for "face wipes". We don't believe for a second that's what they were actually doing, but we're guessing they'd have come in handy later (soz).
About two seconds after they got in there, the noises began.
Seriously, either Chloe was faking it or she's extremely easily pleased…
Bear said: "I want to f*ck you", immediately followed by some really loud moans that were indisputably sex moans.
Then Chloe then called him a "naughty teddy bear".
It was probably the least sexy exchange we've ever experienced.
BUT STILL EXCELLENT TV.
We know there's the whole Bear having a girlfriend and being kind of a dick thing – but we can't deny we're enjoying watching it.
Predictably, the internet was completely ALARMED by their antics.
Some had the unimaginably horrifying experience of watching it with THEIR PARENTS.
AND THEIR NANS – OH GOD NO.
Last night's episode was essentially one long porno – as Marnie and Lewis has "the most romantic shower Marnie has ever had".
Sweet.