Just when we thought there couldn't POSSIBLY be any more gossip from The X Factor, this ginormous bombshell dropped into our laps and we literally can't deal.
Despite the fact that Honey G has been dominating the headlines – with Sharon Osbourne talking about the secret behind her X Factor success, 50 Cent coming forward to say he's a fan and her family apparently saying they're "embarrassed" by her (DON'T LISTEN TO THE HATERZ, HONEY), this isn't actually a story about her.
For once.
It's actually about the second most talked about contestants, the infamous couple rumoured to have been porking on The X Factor mansion stairs.
No, that's not what the kids are calling it these days, the stairs were apparently used as a love rug for them to bump uglies on.
Sounds pretty uncomfortable to us.
Emily Middlemas and Ryan Lawrie denied all porking allegations and instead claimed they hung out at night time to just talk and stuff, like all teenagers do when left alone in a parent-less house.
But they DIDN'T deny that their love was true.
Ryan has been gushing over his gf, confessing that he'd like to march her down the aisle and stick a ring on it.
Talking to Reveal mag, he said: "I wouldn't get into a serious relationship if I didn't see it heading that way so, yes, I'd say Emily could be my future wife.
"It's been amazing living together – it's a taste of how things could be in the future."
Blimey. Is there something in that X Factor water? Can we have some bottled up and sent over to heat HQ for when Alexander Skarsgard comes into the office?
In other still-not-Honey-G-related X Factor news, someone from the show called Nicole Scherzinger the WORST swear word of all swear words and he literally doesn't care who knows it.
Crikey.