Remember when Liam 'Gatsby' Blackwell took Ferne McCann on a date during TOWIE? Yeah, you do. He took her on a helicopter ride but that was not enough for a sure fire love thing to develop and she ditched him.
So Gatsby reacted in the correct way of any jilted lover and wrote a song about it:
"Helicopter ride on the first date, imagine what I'd do for your birthday." You remember.
Well, now the video has dropped and it is a CORKER.
Let's talk through our favourite bits.
The video begins with Gatsby reclining in a chopper and fondling a Champagne bottle as though it's HIS chopper. Is he suggesting to Ferne that his penis is comparable in size and shape to a Champagne bottle?
What does this image say to you?
In amongst Gatsby making several boasts about how he would treat a lady (with his large wallet rather his large cock) a little dog appears. Whose dog is it? We don't know! But we like him.
And then another little pooch! Again, the ownership / relevance of the pupper is unclear but the only thing better than one dog is two dogs, so hooray!
The action moves to a club that may or may not be Sugar Hut. All Gatsby's TOWIE mates are there: Diags, Dan Edgar, Lydia Bright and Georgia Kousoulou. Because nothing says 'urban' like Diags in a backwards baseball cap.
Oh dear. There's James 'Arg' Argent gegging in on the action. Ah well.
And here is Gatsby sporting a daring red lipstick. He takes your outmoded ideas about gender representation and throws them back in your face. Go, Gatsby!
Speaking of which, the action moves to a house party. Two ladies have their bottoms out but a chap has his tits out so we guess that's fair. We have never been invited to this kind of house party but DAMMIT we want to be.
And then, STOP EVERYTHING. IS THIS LAUREN GOODGER? OMG OMG OMG OMG.
But it doesn't end there! It actually ends with Gatsby taking a young lady into a helicopter.
Want to watch the whole thing? You can.
In other TOWIE news: