On your marks.
Get set.
Bake.
The Great British Bake Off’s back, and it’s at its deliciously dirty best. Thank God for that. Far from cleaning up its act, the show was at its angelic, potty-mouthed best with nearly everything sounding like the utter dirt it was never meant to be.
The contestants had only one thing on their minds, the filthy lot. Selasi Gbormittah, the relaxed City type, was busy: “controlling the spread”, and when unassuming country cake-maker Kate Barmby, exclaimed that she: “loves the taste of a Cox” we almost spat out our Earl Grey.
But it was Mel Giedroyc and Sue Perkin’s gentle genius that got us thinking back over the six delectable years of perfectly eyebrow-raising innocence Mel and Sue have given us.
Here’s our faves:
Granny Smith’s hiding something under her petticoats
"I hope Granny Smith doesn't have a damp bottom." So do we Sue, so do we!
Something’s distracting Sue from the lattices and the pin-wheels
"Think palmier, think lattice, think pin-wheel. But mainly, think massive horn." Sue got really into the world of petit fours in season four, one element in particular.
Charlotte’s getting a lot of attention
“Time to stop fiddling with Charlotte now."But who is this Charlotte Royale? Oh, it’s a baking thing, of course. As you were.
Sue’s baking advice comes straight from the heart
“Keep those lady fingers soggy." This is a perfectly normal thing to say when making a trifle. Perfectly normal. Thanks Sue. Ahem.
Not content with an already giggle-worthy bake
When contestant Christine Wallace said: “You can’t change it too much because otherwise it’s not a spotted dick anymore, it’s something else,” Sue calmly deliver this grubby clanger: “Otherwise it’s just a ginger dick.” Ding dong.
Encouraging care when handling your delicates
“Keep an eye on your jugs." So quipped Mel early in season four with an almost imperceptible curl of the mouth.
Sue takes a more cavalier approach to caring for delicates
“Time to slap those baps down." In the third season Sue took bread week by the… well. Quite. Perhaps a new song title for the Great British Bake Off's most surprising new fan though?
They’re just trying to get ahead aren’t they, Mel?
“Bakers are doing their best to get an extra inch.” It’s great to hear that they’re putting in the extra effort, thanks Mel…hang on a minute, where’s that eyebrow going? Well I never.
Proof that comedy is all about… timing
“You have got two hours to pop Mary’s cherry…” was followed by an exceedingly pregnant pause, and a tent full of held breath, before Sue continued as if nothing had happened: “…in the oven, and then bring it out again.” Saving Mary’s blushes by the merest millimetres.
And our favourite from this year’s series so far
“Paul, off to the soft play area,” quipped Sue playfully: “Don’t injure yourself on the balls.” – good advice if you ask us, though for some reason Paul didn’t look like he agreed. Come on Paul Hollywood, cheer up.
Take a look at what all the previous winners, from Nadiya Hussein to Edd Kimber, are up to now.