We already know that the Disney princes are sexy AF, OK? You don't need to sit here and let us tell you that Mulan landed herself a seriously hot dude when she stole Shang’s heart, or that Aladdin has the best eyes of all time.
No, we're here to talk about the Disney characters that we found… well, that we found inexplicably sexy.
This is a safe place, guys, where we can talk honestly about our weirdest animated crushes WITHOUT anyone getting all judgey. Because it's not bestiality if you're a) amongst friends, and b) it's a drawing, alright? It just isn't*.
*Please don't do any bestiality with your friends.
Ahem.
Are you ready for this?
The top 10 Disney characters we inexplicably find really sexy
1) THOMAS O'MALLEY - THE ARISTOCATS
We can see why everybody wants to be a cat, to be honest. All that fur n' claws would be worth it for a night of caterwauling with this sweet-talking rover.
Look at that eyebrow action, y'all. LOOK AT IT!
2) MUFASA - THE LION KING
Picture the scene; the sun's beating down on Pride Rock, Sarabi is nowhere in sight, and Mufasa is giving you that come-hither look he does so well.
Are you really going to say no?
Of course you're bloody not - have you ever heard the guy speak? It's like melted chocolate for the ears.
Plus we can't stop thinking about how soft, silky and sweetly scented his mane would be. We bet it smells like… like salted caramel, or peanut butter n' jelly, or something else that's the perfect mix of right and wrong.
We want to be HIS mane event, OK? Don't judge us. Or, you know, we'll set our lion boyfriend (lyfriend?) on you.
3) WOODY - TOY STORY
Is that a snake in your boot, or are you just happy to see us?
It's probably better if we all pretend we didn't know this about each other, isn't it?
Just… just keep on scrolling. Go on. We'll join you in a moment - we just need to compose ourselves.
4) ROBIN HOOD
This guy is a total fox - literally.
From that sexy British accent to his romantic and oh-so-noble spirit, this guy's got it all - he even knows how to accessorise. Seriously though, did you see that little feathered cap? It's just delightful!
We'd like him to take his arrow and aim it straight at our… hearts. Yes. Our hearts.
Mmm.
5) LUMIERE - BEAUTY & THE BEAST
Ooh la la, this guy is hot in so many ways… maybe all of the ways, actually.
Have you ever heard him speak? He's FRENCH, damn it! We can't say no to a Frenchman, so don't you dare try and make us.
And there's the added bonus that you'd have dinner by candlelight almost every single night. We just need to work out how to prevent singeing and it's a winner…
6) MIKE WAZOSWSKI - MONSTERS INC.
What can we say? We're suckers for a good sense of humour - and, boy, does this guy have a gsoh.
Plus there's the fact that we KNOW he'll treat us right; the guy forks out for candlelit dinners at Harryhausen's like nobody’s business.
Basically, we wouldn't mind if he popped up in our closet. That's… that's all we'll say on the matter.
7) PONGO - 101 DALMATIANS
You can leave your hat on, guys, because Pongo's geared up and ready to slip it off again. With his teeth.
This dog will trek hundreds of miles for the ones he loves, which shows he's a good bet if you're looking for a long-term lover. And he's super-stylish, too; there aren't many guys who could pull off monochrome polka dots.
Also, have you seen him flirt? He flirts so hard, damn it.
8) FLIK - A BUG’S LIFE
He may be small, but he is seriously mighty.
This pocket rocket is a total brainbox (always sexy), with big dreams and an even bigger heart. He also has a lot of deep thoughts about rocks (pretend it's a seed, OK?) and stuff.
In short, he gives the phrase 'ants in your pants' an entirely different - and far more pleasant - meaning.
9) PRINCE NAVEEN (AS A FROG) - THE PRINCESS & THE FROG
If we knew frogs could be this sexy, we'd have kissed hundreds of them now - and we wouldn't even care if we got a prince out of it, either.
Was anyone else green with envy when Tiana stole Naveen's froggy heart?
No? Just us?
Fine. LIE TO YOURSELVES ALL YOU WANT.
10) BALOO - THE JUNGLE BOOK
Did you see that? DID YOU?!
Remind you of anything…?
Exactly.
Baloo is just so chilled and easy-going, which means that he's never in a rush. Which is pretty good when it comes to (ahem) certain situations, as we're sure you'll already know.
WINK WINK, NUDGE NUDGE.
Then again, this guy is voiced by the same actor as Thomas O'Malley. Maybe we're just really attracted to awesome vocals, eh?
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