Last night’s Celebrity Big Brother was a stressful and horrible experience for all involved.
It was so unpleasant that it was borderline unwatchable.
Borderline.
Having watched preview clips and been eagerly reading about it the past couple of days, we thought we were emotionally prepared for Lillie Lexie Gregg’s entrance.
We were wrong. It was arguably the most intense moment of Big Brother HISTORY and they played sad music and went to an advert break!
We don’t mean to alarm anyone but we think CBB might be slowly turning into Hollyoaks.
We were on the edge of our seats!
After Lillie gave her emotional speech and made Bear CRY, we started seeing a whole new vulnerable side to the coffee stealing, cocktail making personality he’s treated us to the rest of the series.
But later on he seemed to be getting a little more back to normal. Speaking to Lewis Bloor and Marnie Simpson in the smoking area, Lewis said: “I’ve never had a celebrity girlfriend before.”
Bear then responded: "Mate it’s the worst girlfriend to have. Your nut goes wow."
HOLD UP. Was Stephen Bear talking about Vicky Pattison?
Marnie basically confirmed this. "I’m a celebrity girl but I’ll not be like Vicky."
Bear then said: "Celebrity girlfriends. Tried and tested. The first one nightmare."
Maybe calm down with the controversy a bit, Bear?
Lewis then chimed in: "This ain’t no celebrity ,this is a sweetheart who happens to be famous."
N’aww. Almost as cute as when he said he’d fight a shark for her, eh?
Bear concluded: "hat’s what I thought mate. It’s none of my business."
C’mon guys, you’re not exactly Beyonce and Jay Z…
Marnie’s cousin Sophie Kasaei also entered the house (the whole episode was quite Geordie Shore heavy, basically).
And she had some lovely words for Lewis Bloor (we're guessing she approves of their lil romance).
She said: "All she’s done is smile, Lewis.
"For everybody who’s saying this is a showmance, can I tell you something? My cousin’s not a liar, she’s not an actress, she’s real.
"So whatever is going on between [Marnie and Lewis], just let them be because they’re having a good time.
And how could anyone go into that house without addressing Lewis' ENORMOUS AND HAIRLESS peen?
Sophie rounded off her appearance by pointing at him and shouting: "SCHLONG".
Lewis surprisingly looked all embarrassed by this – hun, you have literally got your dick out on so many occasions, don't get coy on us.