Ex On The Beach continues to make our brains bleed and our eyes do that cartoon "aroooobah" thing where they pop out, mostly due to the sheer audacity of the blokes on that show.
And tonight's episode is no different, because Gary Beadle does some spectacular cognitive dissonance and ends up having a go at Jemma Lucy for the heinous crime of allowing him access to her lady-garden.
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During the stunning display of hypocriticism, Gary blames Jemma for upsetting his ex Lillie Lexie Gregg when a game of Never Have I Ever goes horribly, horribly wrong.
Kayleigh Morris, whose sole purpose in life seems to be trolling everyone around her, lifts up her drink and craftily states: "Never have I ever touched Gary Beadle's dick in this villa."
Obviously, we were expecting the entire cast, crew and nearby crabs to all take a sip, but only Jemma and Olivia Walsh drink.
Lillie Lexie is pretty taken aback by this revelation, given that Jem has already broken the news to her, and tells the camera: "I would have never thought she [Olivia]'d do that."
Olivia tries to dob Charlotte Dawson in too, but Char claims she "only slapped it a bit".
(This is why she's fast becoming our favourite on that show.)
"Olivia's lying, I'm taking all the guilt for getting with Gaz, and she's sat there like a little princess," says Jemma to the camera.
Back in real time, Jemma's still trying to shift the blame. "Has his dick been inside you?" she asks Olivia.
"What, his willy went inside you for a second?" asks Lillie.
"I shouldn't have to explain how many f*cking seconds his dick's been inside me," says Olivia.
"It could've been an hour, it could've been a second. Who f*cking cares?"
This is all too much for the group, with Jemma standing up and shouting at Gaz: "Olivia told me you put your dick in her twice."
There's a lot of back and forth about 'tips' and just how much penis – an exact measurement, please – it takes to constitute full sex. The group cannot come to an agreement. Why don't they teach this stuff in schools?
Gary tries desperately to cover his back. "I turned over in the middle of the night, she's wet, I'm naked, it literally – I'm talking that much," he reckons, describing with his fingers in the shape of the OK sign just how much of his parsnip was involved in the moment.
But Jemma's still cross that she's the only one getting blamed for riding Gary's disco-stick, and continues to argue with him and Olivia about Gaz's skanky ways.
Gaz, his mouth open and gasping like a dying goldfish, hits back the only way he knows how.
"Jemma, you get horsed all over, Olivia actually hasn't had full sex. There's a difference: you're a slag."
Holy Jesus f*ck, mate.
Hang on – so Gary not only sleeps with Jemma on the very first night of filming, despite leaving Charlotte Crosby at home with the impression that the two of them might be getting back together, he then shares a bed with two more women and has the nerve to call Jemma Lucy a slag?!
Cop yerself on, pal.
Ex On The Beach continues Tuesdays at 10pm, only on MTV.