If you thought that Game Of Thrones was all about incest, bloodthirsty battles, flame-retardant naked princesses and dragons, you’re wrong.
It’s also taught us some pretty valuable lessons about who to trust in life (a girl trusts no one), not to mention given us some of the most twisted, despicable and evil villains EVER to grace our telly boxes.
Villains who also, if we’re being completely honest, seem to have been modelled on a few of the people we work with on a daily basis.
So forget the office, it’s time to talk about WESTER-office.
Oh yes, we went there.
Here are the top 10 Game Of Thrones villains you’re pretty much guaranteed to find working in EVERY office at some point…
THE CERSEI LANNISTER
She runs your office with an iron fist, and she’s determined to do ANYTHING to keep her business afloat. Seriously, though; incarceration, felony charges, treason, murder… it doesn’t matter.
Plus there’s Maggy the Frog’s prediction to consider, isn’t there?
“Queen you shall be... until there comes another, younger and more beautiful, to cast you down and take all that you hold dear.”
Yeah, Cersei hates ANYONE who she sees as a threat - particularly her fellow females. Expect her to be frosty at best / downright rude at worst to anyone who challenges her authority, even if they’re asking for something as innocent as the last custard cream.
Cersei doesn’t share power OR biscuits, peasants. The sooner you learn that, the better…
THE JOFFREY BARATHEON
Joffrey seemed alright, at first. A bit… a bit strange, sure, but basically alright.
But then he got promoted, very quickly (some might say too quickly), and his new sense of responsibility overwhelmed him.
Or, to put it bluntly, he went absolutely “f**k it, let’s murder the butcher’s boy” mental.
Our advice? Avoid entering a room with him solo (especially if he’s holding a crossbow) - unless, you know, you’re armed with a glass of that now-iconic wine…
It’s for the greater good, we promise.
THE PETER BAELISH
Better known to the masses as Littlefinger, this guy may be charming - but you can’t trust him as far as you can throw him. Which probably isn’t very far at all; trust us when we say that throwing people is SO MUCH HARDER than it looks.
Expect to find him stirring the pot of office misery with a big ol’ spoon made from LIES and DECEIT. From loudly speculating that Rebecca didn't get into more trouble for calling in sick again last week because we all know she's the favourite, to letting it slip that he overheard a "higher-up" say that Melanie wasn't the first choice for that project, he knows exactly how to press people's buttons… and how to use their reactions to his advantage.
Don’t take it too personally; after all, he DID warn you not to trust him…
THE ROOSE BOLTON
This guy. This fahking guy. SERIOUSLY THOUGH, THIS GUY!
You thought he was on your side, we bet. You thought that you could trust him because he made a good brew, had a pleasantly solid-sounding northern accent, and nodded along to everything you had to say. You thought Roose Bolton would have your back until the very end… but he’s the one who’ll STAB you in the back at the first chance.
Or, you know, start using your mug when he has a perfectly good one of his own. Without even washing it up after. Bastard.
THE RAMSAY SNOW
Joffrey looks like an absolute ANGEL compared to Ramsay Snow.
He’s the sort of guy who’ll happily inform on his boss, in a desperate bid to steal their job from under them. Or, y’know, murder his OWN DAD so that he can steal the title of Lord Bolton.
In short, this loony is a fearsome monster to work for - and people tend to do whatever he says because they’re afraid of him. Which leads him to intimidate them EVEN MORE.
The REALLY unlucky ones get fed to the dogs.
Luckily a fearsome boss like this one will never last… karma always comes knocking eventually.
Until that day, keep your head as down as humanly possible. Trust us.
THE HIGH SPARROW
He seems so serene, doesn’t he? So beautifully, beautifully serene - and compassionate, right?
He stays late every night without extra pay. He offers to pay for that must-have trial software out of his own pocket. He hops out of bed at MIDNIGHT on a SUNDAY NIGHT if shizzle goes down that needs his attention. And he’s worked Christmas Day, with pneumonia, in a snowstorm, with two broken arms and legs.
And how do you know all of this? BECAUSE HE WON’T STOP TELLING YOU ABOUT IT, THAT’S WHY!!!
Yup, the High Sparrow may seem like a sweet little religious nut, but he’s actually the ultimate Machiavellian nightmare. He’ll exploit and manipulate y’all to get what he wants - and what he wants is power. All the power, all of the time.
Your best bet is to become one of his little sparrows. Try to volunteer information - and maybe offer to convert others to the Faith, if you fancy avoiding a fun SHAME session at the High Sept.
Hey, if it’s good enough for Margaery, it’s good enough for us!
THE JAIME LANNISTER
You probably didn’t warm to this person at first - in fact, you probably thought they were the coldest, rudest, and absolute MEANEST one in the entire office. The sort of person who would, say, chuck a small child out of a tower to save their own skin.
However, as it turns out, you made a MASSIVE ERROR IN JUDGEMENT, because this person is a total dude. They’re funny, they’re clever, and they’re very, very loyal to their work wives.
They’re also pretty damned honourable, too, when you get down to it; they’re not going to steal credit for your big idea, or drop you in it when they’re getting a proper bollocking at work. Because, while a lot of folk consider them to be ‘oath breakers’, they actually have a pretty strict moral code.
Still… probably best to avoid walking past any windows when they’re close by, eh?
THE MARGAERY TYRELL
Margaery is, let’s face it, one of the most manipulative little minxes to ever hit Westeroffice - but you can’t help loving her for it.
While all those other villains have some sort of twisted inner motive, she’s always been honest about her desires - she wants to be queen. And not just any old queen, either - THE queen.
Still, while she has a thirst for power, she is always polite, courteous, and sweet-as-pie.
Hmm… wrong choice of word?
Nah, we’re deadly serious; Margaery is a pretty decent woman, and you can totally trust her to have your back. But, if you ever cross her, expect rilly, rilly bad things to happen to you.
You’ve been warned.
THE WAIF
You’ve heard of love at first sight? Well, with The Waif, it was more a case of hate at first sight.
Ever since you started out at Westeroffice, she’s been there, undermining you, stealing your ideas, treating you like her personal lackey, shutting you down in meetings, and trying to kill you with her eyes.
We reckon she’s just threatened by your awesomeness, to be honest. It probably (ahem) NEEDLES her so badly that she just can’t stand it.
Our advice? Ignore her; Jaqen H'ghar rates you WAY higher than that ninjutsu wannabe.
THE DAENERYS TARGARYEN
OH YEAH, WE WENT THERE!
We all thought Daenerys was the golden girl when she first entered Westeroffice, you know. We really, really did.
She was kind, she was strong, she was unbreakable, she had dragons… she seemed like she had the answer to every single problem, and we all wanted to be part of her team. Heck, we even went to lunch with her. WE TRUSTED HER ENOUGH TO EAT FOOD WITH HER, YOU KNOW?!
Only, as time has passed, all of her altruism seems to have slipped away…
And it’s left behind something far more power-hungry and bloodthirsty than we ever could’ve imagined.
Whether it’s a frightening email hitting your inbox at 1am, a screaming match in a private meeting room, or a series of increasingly unreasonable demands, Daenerys wants what she deems to be hers by right. And, like many Targaryens before her, she’ll do it with fire and blood.
Unless you’re one of her most trusted work besties (hello Missandei, Dario, and Jorah!), we recommend keeping an eye on this one.
Or, at the very least, keep sniffing the air for that telltale scent of smoke…
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