Ex On the Beach series 5 begins tonight and we could only be more excited about it if CBB wasn't currently fulfilling all our naked testicles desires.
It's well known that Gary Beadle gets it on with Jemma Lucy on the first night, and while we've subsequently found it pretty distasteful – while they were banging Charlotte Crosby was going through an ectopic pregnancy – we didn't know it was a thing of horror at the time.
Until now.
Details have leaked about how Jemma and Gaz end up in bed together and it turns out that Jemma pulled Gaz just by asking him if he was up for it.
"Gaz, would you like to join me in the penthouse?" are quite literally the words that came out of her mouth, and Gary agreed.
The Geordie Shore lothario told Jemma that they'd only cuddle before trying to lay the blame for the actual banging at Jemma's door, saying: "I've got to spend the night with the horniest bastard in the house."
Other than himself, presumably.
The next day, Gaz tries to excuse what happened, saying: "If you start going under the covers and start spitting on my dick, there’s not a lot a guy can do."
IT'S LIKE BEAUTIFUL POETRY.
Lies. That's vile. And also, spitting on a dick is doing sex wrong, unless we've been vastly misinformed.
Jemma meanwhile informs everyone that Gaz made her cum eight times. Eight! Come on, we're not swallowing that.
In brighter news, do you know who else is in Ex On The Beach? That's right – Stephen Bear!
No matter what happens with CBB we have Bear on our telly boxes for a few more weeks. Annoying people, stirring up trouble and generally being somebody we would not like to share a house with. Brilliant.
Ex On The Beach starts tonight at 10pm on MTV.