We have before contemplated the IDEA of getting drunk at work. We thought about it, but then realised the utter chaos it would bring. We would write thousands of words on fluffy animals, ignoring TOWIE drama'slike that sexting malarky. We would write naughty words without the popping asterisks in. We would publish peen pictures without the boring aubergine of dignity.
Louis Walsh would be torso of the week.
Exactly, so for that very reason we save our G&T for 6pm on the dot.
HOWEVER, the judges said 'SEE YA' to sensibleness and poise and seemingly got completely bamboozled on the first live show.
Even Dermot o'Leary asked if their water had been spiked. Or maybe their water was just straight gin? Showbiz ey.
Simon Cowell looked disheveled (despite spending hours in hair and make up) Sharon Osbourne forgot what country her contestant was from (FINLAND SHARON) and touched Nicole Scherzinger’s BOOBS for about five long seconds.
Then Sharon said WOAAAH and was very shouty. Nicole kept breaking into a song. Sharon and Louis kept standing up willy-nilly and pointing at inanimate objects. Simon forgot to introduce his act. Simon SMILED a lot.
Definitely pissed.
But as Dermot said ‘they are full of judgey goodness’ and we cannot argue with that.
In other The X Factor news
Did we accidentally see Simon Cowell's peen on The X Factor?