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Asos UK: The maddest and most beautiful things you can buy this month

From mermaid dresses to precious star boots, we've combed Asos to find the lust-haves of the month

Oh, ASOS. How do we love thee? Let us count the ways. Although, of course, we do sometimes resent you just a teensy bit for taking all our money and leaving us with a lot of month to get through at the end of our paycheck.

We ended up down an Asos rabbithole after seeing this INCREDIBLE dinosaur tail (£25) on sale in Australia. It also retailed here in the UK, but alas! we were too late to buy one. There were other, more dedicated dinosaur aficionados trawling the internet that day.

DAMN YOU, DINOSAUR PEOPLE.

But that's OK. We found some way, waaaay cooler bits on Asos UK. We'll be updating this pretty regularly, so make sure you check back if you've got some spare cash burning a hole in your pocket but CBA to search through ASOS' massive archives.

The maddest and most beautiful ASOS buys

Glittery avocado socks, £3.50

Had enough avo on toast? Time to get avo on... foast? That's foot-toast, to you wordsnobs. Otherwise known as 'feet'. We don't know. Just buy the damn socks.

Banana umbrella, £6

"UNDER MY UM-BER-ELLA, ELLA, ELLA," you will yell at the top of your voice while twirling, twirling in the rain. "EY, EY, EY, UNDER MY UM-BER-ELLA". You will accidentally poke a commuter in the eye. It does not matter, because look how goddamn perfect this banana brolly is.

Asos Curve mermaid dress, £51

You can be a motherf*cking mermaid if you want, and nobody can tell you otherwise. We want this dress so we can wear it with the stompiest boots ever, and smear glitter on our face and tell our boss that we can't possibly do any more work today because we need to bathe on a rock, goodbye.

Denim star boots, £34.99

You are a precious space angel who fell to earth naked but for these badass boots. Maybe you'll wear them with other clothes, maybe you won't. F*ck society.

Disney Princess pajamas, £22

Yeah, you're a princess, but you also believe in having bodily autonomy and being able to sleep without some bloody prince trying to snog you. Wear these pajamas, because actual princess Kate Middleton probably can't.

Squishy dragon slippers, £14

Snuggly, warm AND likely to freak out your cat? Get in our shopping basket right this New York minute.

Christmas Elf socks, £8

Er, HELLO, this month ends with an 'er', which means THERE ARE A FINITE NUMBER OF SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS. Not to panic you too much, but you should have started Christmas shopping roughly a month ago. Ah well. Purchase these socks and watch the world burn.

Embroidered jeans, £165

We remember embroidered jeans the first time around* in circa 2005, when our mum bought us a pair from Miss Selfridge and we wore them to absolute tatters. These are by House Of Holland and are studded with planets, rockets and stars, so you WILL wear them until they are dead.

*This may not have been the actual first time around, but let's not let facts get in the way of a good story.

Space-themed pamper pack, £7.50

What's better than living in a galaxy? PUTTING A GALAXY ON YOUR FACE, HAIR AND FEET. Yes please to this.

Glitter bunny loafers, £255

OK, these are pricey. But have you seen them? BUNNY EARS. BUNNY. EARS. Just shut up and take our money, Asos.

Glitter pig makeup bag, £12

Pair of pants, toothbrush and your charger: literally all you need to stuff inside this flying pig bag for the best night of your life.

Inflatable flamingo, £55

Are inflatables basic yet? We really hope so. The price tag is fairly eye-watering, but if you all stick in a tenner for your next mates' holiday, you are going to be l i v i n g the dream.

Inflatable pizza, £60

If you're like, sooo over the inflatable bird phenomenon (just another thing to blame on Taylor Swift, tbh), get yourselves one of these floating pizzas. Because who hasn't pretended to be a cute little mushroom smothered in melted mozzarella from time to time?

Rainbow jumper, £30

This might be from the menswear section, but damn all that gender nonsense to hell. Rainbows are for everyone, and this rainbow jumper is just so sweet it's making us weep at its sheer beauty.

Skinnydip shell backpack, £30

This is definitely what you'd wear to go to school under the sea, if your best mate was a crab and your worst enemy was a witchy octopus queen. Huh. They should really make that into a film. We'd definitely watch.

Unicorn glitter bath confetti, £6

Yassss, unicorn bath confetti 4evaaaa.

Unicorn shower cap, £5

And yassss, a unicorn shower cap to go with it.

Whale mug, £12

You know those days at work when your entire day is just spent in the same meeting room, doddling the same penis on the same piece of paper, staring at Sam from Marketing's sweat patches? Well just think what a baller move it would be to slowly take out this whale mug, carefully load its mouth with Hob-Nobs and fill it to the brim with a pre-prepared flask of tea.

Goshdarn baller, that's how.

Poop emoji mask, £30

Yeah, we're not sure about this one either. Pretty funny to put one on a mate at a house party and dare them to keep it on for the next beer run. Probably funnier if you've all had a bit too much to drink already, tbh.

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